Unapologetically Authentic – Lois Bates-Stubbs on Swapping Toxic Relationships for Self-Discovery and Entrepreneurship

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>> Lois Bates Stubbs: That was a time when I thought actually he could have. He could have really hurt

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me. He was a big guy as well, big built, very tall. And he

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squared up to me and he was like, I'll kill you. And

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I don't know where it came from. My dad just always used to say to me, even

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if you're terrified, don't let anybody see that you're terrified. So I

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literally squared back up to him. I said, come on then, big

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man, kill me. And he just went

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with rage and just walked away. And I left.

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>> Wo0: Welcome to Don't Tell Me what to Wear or How

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to run My Business. This is the

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Woopod.

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I'm your host, Wendy Gannon, but most people call me

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Woo. I'm a photographer, adhder,

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female advocate, and let's be honest, an all

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round legend. Can you tell I didn't write this

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script?

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This podcast is part of Female5Million, a

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movement founded to empower women to step the fuck up,

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take control, and unapologetically own their

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space. It all started

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with some fucking Jebbins LinkedIn post

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spouting some sexist bullshit about how women should dress

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to succeed in business. And you know what?

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Stuff like that really fucks me

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off. It really fucks me off.

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So I posted about it and, that post ignited something

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bigger. a nationwide photography project, a full blown

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fucking movement. And now this podcast

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here on the Woo Pod, we're raising the voices of women who

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refuse to be told what to do. Women who are done playing

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by the rules and are now saying, don't fucking tell me what to wear or

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how to run my business. If you've ever been told to tone

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it down, dress more appropriately or run your business

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like a man that

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expect raw, unfiltered conversations with women

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who have fought through sexism, abuse and

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outdated, patriarchal to build success on their

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terms. all whilst wearing whatever the fuck they want.

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Oh, and there's more swearing than our producer is willing to

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beep out. Sorry, Buckers. Speaking of

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which, you'll probably hear me ask producer Buckers to chime

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in from time to time, because like I give a shit

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what she says. We've both got adhd. We bounce well off each

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other. Deal with it. We're here

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to celebrate women doing business their way and shine a spotlight

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on the incredible ways women are fighting back and lifting each other

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up. Because, to be honest, that's what it's all about.

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And, for those who aren't able to speak up right now for

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whatever reason, I see you.

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Okay, let's crack on then.

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Hi, everyone. Welcome to another episode

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episode of the Woo Pod. And this is the

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Don't Tell Me what to Wear or How to Run my

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Business series. I am joined

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today by the absolutely

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stunning Lois Bates

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Stubbs. Hi, Lois.

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>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Hi, Wendy. Thank you. What an intro that's

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up there with one of the nicest things anyone's ever said about me.

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>> Wo0: Yeah, but you're used to it because we know each other, don't we,

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Lois?

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>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Yes. And you're full of compliments all the time.

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>> Wo0: So do you want to give a,

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brief intro of what you do?

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>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Yes, of course. So I am a

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virtual assistant. I head up a team of seven,

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including myself, which kind of grew

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from nowhere really. I never expected it to

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be as big as it is, but it's been absolutely

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incredible. We have gone from being basic

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virtual assistants doing the kind of admin stuff to being

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more like an obm. And this year,

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what's an obm? Online business manager.

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So it's more like what I do for you, Wendy. Like it's

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very detailed and very in depth rather than

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just like sorting somebody's emails out. Not, there's no

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just to that. Actually sorting somebody's emails is important. But you know,

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we've gone more in depth on, that as time's gone

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on. and then this year I am hoping to branch out

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into more of this, more podcasts. I'd like to get some

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speaking gigs as well. and I'm hoping

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to start launching in person strategy days as

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well.

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>> Wo0: Hurrah. so how

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long have we been working together, Lois?

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>> Lois Bates Stubbs: well, officially properly full

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time for just over a year, haven't we? Like November

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2023. but

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we worked together sporadically a couple of times before that,

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didn't we? On one off tasks. Yeah, about 18 months all in all

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now.

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>> Wo0: So I, as everybody knows,

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a chaotic ADHD head and

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I have always got so many

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millions of ideas in my head for my

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business. And I said, lois, can you

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help me? I just need somebody to go, you can

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do this. You should not do that. So we had a power hour,

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didn't we? And Lois was like,

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right, all of these are brilliant, obviously,

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but let's just focus on three.

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So we did, but then, then I

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got my access to work grant and

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Lois became my

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life. Basically, Lois

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runs my life and my

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business and my, in my personal life. I would not be where I am

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without you and I love you with my entire soul.

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Also, interestingly, Lois has been helping

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me with the whole female 5 million

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project. My next question is, why did you get involved with

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female 5 million, Larry?

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>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Well, you asked me to.

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>> Wo0: So.

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So there's. So obviously there's the working aspect, but then you

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actually joined in with the female 5 million. And why.

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Why did you do that?

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>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Yeah, absolutely. So that, yes, there was the work aspect, which I was already

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involved in. And then the more this project grew and I think

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I was one of the first people who said to you, Wendy, this is gonna be massive. Like,

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I could see it coming. we were actually working on

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something complete. Sorry, I'm going off on a tangent. We were working on

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something completely different because Wendy has always said she

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wants to leave a legacy. so we were working on a

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completely different thing and it seemed like we hit stumbling blocks

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every inch of the way with this other project that we were trying to get off the

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ground. And then female 5 million came

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up, which I just named myself originally.

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Fuck the Patriarchy I called it. Didn't even realise I'd

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made that name up. And then Wendy was like, you do know, you just titled

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this. Oh, sorry.

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And it just felt so natural and it just

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snowballed and grew so naturally. And the

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more it went on and the more women I saw

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emailing you and DMing you and so on, the more it

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tapped into A, like, my morals, my

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sense of morals and something that I would want to be involved in and

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support and, B, also kind of made me realise that

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I had a story and a past there

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as well. and then it really sealed the deal when

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I came and did the shoot that day and met all the other women

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that were in the Manchester M shoot.

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And, everyone was sort of sat around talking about their

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experiences. It sounds really silly, but it

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was almost like a penny drop moment for me that actually I've been

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through some abusive and toxic stuff myself

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and I think obviously you must know that deep down anyway, but I

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think we suppress it that hard. It sometimes

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takes being in that surrounding to make you go, oh,

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actually, yeah, that's. That's me as well. And that's what led to

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me doing the other podcast that you mentioned earlier and now wanting

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to come here and. And share again.

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>> Wo0: Big shout out to Carrie, who did a

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podcast series featured about

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female 5 million. because some of the women at that

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Manchester sheet said to her that they would like to

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do something to support. And it was really lovely.

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So we can put a link to that. Should

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we put a link to that or should we not? Because it's like,

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yeah, we absolutely Put.

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>> Annabelle: A link to that.

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>> Wo0: So we'll put a link to that in the show.

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Notes you said

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about being with those women

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brought to your attention, I guess, that, you'd been

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through some. Some abusive times.

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Are you happy to share some of your experiences

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with us?

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>> Lois Bates Stubbs: yeah, of course. So I think the reason I didn't

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necessarily see it as abusive was because, thankfully,

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touch wood, it was never physical abuse. And, that

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seems like, I don't know, almost in my head, that was like a line

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of, oh, no, you just had a rough relationship rather than it

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being abusive as such.

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And then when I look back, there was

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domestic violence in my childhood. Obviously

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not. Not towards me, but. So I think that's why,

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in my head, it was only if it came to physical abuse

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that it was abuse. And I think in my bid

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to avoid that, I put up with some other really,

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really toxic shit that I shouldn't have put up

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with, ultimately. so first

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proper relationship I had, credit where credit's due. That was lovely. There

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was nothing, nothing toxic about that. It was as love should

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be for your first love, you know, pure.

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>> Wo0: That makes me.

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>> Lois Bates Stubbs: But I think the heartbreak that came at the end of

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that made me feel maybe a little bit

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more desperate than I was before. Does

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that sound awful?

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>> Wo0: But no, no, completely understandable. You want to

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be loved?

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>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Yeah, absolutely. So I. I met this guy who

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I lost a lot of weight then, after that

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relationship. And it was in the time where,

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like, WAG culture was in, so your looks were very, very

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important. And I met this guy who genuinely, I thought,

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was the best looking person I ever seen in my entire

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life. and it got off to a great start. Everything was

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lovely. And then as time went on, he would

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constantly comment on my weight. So I'd gone from like a size

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24 to a 12 to 14 at the time. And

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he would do things like buy me size 8 clothes for

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inspiration and, just, like, not let me

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eat. We would go out and I

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knew he would be watching what I'd eaten. So say if we went out for

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a meal, I would get something tiny and I wouldn't be anything, like,

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full, but I knew he would have something to say if I

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ate again later on. So I would literally say, oh, I'll go

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get these drinks. I'd buy a packet of Crisp and I'd go and eat them in the toilet

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so he couldn't see me eating them because I

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was starving. And then we. I mean,

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literally, like I said, it was the WAG era. Looks were kind of

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Everything. And we used to be that couple that would go places and they'd let us in

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for free, you know, just because we looked good in

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there. And yet I was never

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able to enjoy that or revel in that kind

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of confidence and enjoy, though, you know, they're short years that you

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get that kind of window. And I wasn't able

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to enjoy it because of how he treated me. And I remember specifically

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we went to Ladies Day at Aintree, and

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I'd bought this wonderful dress, and I felt like a million dollars.

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In retrospect, I can now see that everyone was looking at me like

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women and men alike. And, he gave me a

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cuddle. And he whispered in my ear, I was wearing a size

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14 dress. And he said, I've just seen the size of your

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dress, you fat. Just took

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it all away. Every bit of,

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like, goodness. He just took it

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away.

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>> Wo0: It's. It's when they do it so no

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one else can hear and

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then go back to being charming to everyone

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else.

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>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Yeah. And even delivered in a way that looked as though he

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was being nice to me because he called me in for a cuddle, you

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know, he didn't, like, grab me in a horrible way or

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try and do it, even privately. It was literally just pulled me into a

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cuddle so it looked like he was being lovely. And then,

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So, yeah, that was not great.

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So.

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>> Wo0: Wanker.

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>> Lois Bates Stubbs: I know. Absolutely.

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>> Wo0: Sorry.

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>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Absolutely. You're right.

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>> Wo0: Bokers.

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>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Then. So off the back of that, I kind of went

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into, like, the opposite end of the spectrum. I'm

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gonna sound such a. When I say this, but I then went for somebody

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who I knew wasn't good enough for me.

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That sounds awful, but. But

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I did. That's ultimately what I did. And it was somebody that I went to

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school with, like primary school. And we just happened to

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make friends on Facebook, went on a date and so on.

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and I did the complete opposite. I just ate away

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my problems. I didn't want to be that attractive anymore.

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I literally fed myself to the point that I felt

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unattractive because I didn't want that anymore. I

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thought if. If at my best, I'm still not good enough,

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then I'm not interested in being my best. Like, forget

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it. so I was with this other guy. He had two young

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kids. We moved in together. He

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was the closest to being physically

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abusive. And I think it would have gone that way at,

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ah, some point had we carried on down that path.

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But actually he very much just dumped me with his two young kids.

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He Ran up a load of debt in my name. I

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left that relationship with 10 grands worth of debt. Now, bearing in mind

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I was about 23,

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24 then, so we're talking 15, 16 years

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ago. So 10 grand was a hell of a lot of money

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for a young woman to be in debt by.

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I, remember when I tried to leave him the first time he pulled his

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daughters out of bed, who were 4 and 7 at the time,

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and told them that I was leaving them, that

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I didn't love them anymore, and just guilt tripped me into

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staying for that little bit longer because they were

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heartbroken. So essentially was abusive to his kids at the same time.

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>> Wo0: Yeah.

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>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Putting them through massive emotional turmoil that

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they didn't need. So that did mean that I stayed a little bit

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longer. I knew next time I broached that

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subject they needed to not be there.

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So I did again to leave. And, that was a time when I thought

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actually he could have, he could have really hurt

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me. M he square. He was a big guy as well,

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big built, very tall. And he squared up to

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me and he was like, I'll kill you.

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And I don't know where it came from. My dad just always used to say to

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me, even if you're terrified, don't let anybody see that you're

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terrified. So I literally, literally squared back up to him. I said,

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come on then, big man, kill me. And he just

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went with rage and just walked away and I

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left. But that could have gone very differently.

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I'm acutely aware that could have been, yeah, a very, very

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different outcome. And like I say, I think had a bat down

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then it would have.

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>> Wo0: Been very, it would have 100 have.

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>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Been very, very different. Off the back of that.

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>> Wo0: You all right?

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>> Lois Bates Stubbs: I'm okay. I'm trying to think of my

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timeline, what happened next.

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and then after that I met somebody else.

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And not that they were necessarily abusive

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in the same way, but they were like emotional and

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neglectful. They'd been a friend for a really long

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time. We'd worked together and as a friend,

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he was brilliant. I would say we were close to best friends

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and we were friends for a really long time. We would go

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out together, we'd have a really good laugh together.

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He massively, massively loved, bombed

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me in the early days.

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and then over time he just

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completely started to neglect me. Out drinking with his friends all the

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time, not interested in me. He would just. I never

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officially moved in with him, but spent a lot of time living at the flat that he

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was in. At the time, and I put all my own

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money into it, did it all up. It was a beautiful little

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home. and he would just go out a weekend and

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trash it when he came back in drunk. Or I would come

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to stay with my mum for a while and it would be just completely

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trashed when I got back. he would leave me to

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do everything by myself. Like, not that I really

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believe in kind of boy jobs and girl jobs, but I remember we'd bought a

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2A, a desk. And you know what it says on the

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box? This is for two men to build kind of thing. And he let

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me sit there on the floor and just make it myself. He was just, he just

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didn't care basically. So by the time I'd come

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off the back of that, I just,

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I guess my self worth was just in complete tatters

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because I felt as though

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at, ah, my best, I wasn't good enough. I

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was only then used for money and somebody had loathed me so much

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they'd come close to literally wanting to kill me.

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And then somebody was so nonchalant about me. It was

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just as though, I don't.

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>> Wo0: Know, it didn't exist.

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>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Yeah, like I didn't exist. Like I'm just not an important person.

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so, yeah, it's, it was, it's been quite the

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roller coaster.

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>> Wo0: Oh, babe, I'm so sorry.

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Buckers, I just want to check in with you for a second. Are you all

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right?

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>> Annabelle: I'm so sorry. I'm just feeling really

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emotional. Listening. I think what's making me

Speaker: 00:16:12

feel emotional is, is two things. One is a lot of

Speaker: 00:16:14

what you're saying, Lois, resonates

Speaker: 00:16:17

and there's a, A lot of

Speaker: 00:16:20

what you're saying is bringing back some memories for

Speaker: 00:16:23

me. it's always interesting when you, like, I find it

Speaker: 00:16:26

interesting how you don't need to know somebody very well, but the

Speaker: 00:16:29

second you become aware that you have some shared

Speaker: 00:16:32

experiences, you just feel such a connection to

Speaker: 00:16:34

someone. And also

Speaker: 00:16:39

we're recording this with video so we can,

Speaker: 00:16:42

we can see each other. And the things that I'm hearing

Speaker: 00:16:45

you say just feel so

Speaker: 00:16:47

disconnected from this

Speaker: 00:16:50

vibrant, beautiful face on the screen.

Speaker: 00:16:53

And we've met what we've. I've been lucky enough to meet you

Speaker: 00:16:56

once in real life and remember you just being this

Speaker: 00:16:58

vibrant, joyful

Speaker: 00:17:00

presence. And it. I. I'm. I'm crying because

Speaker: 00:17:03

I'm fucking angry to

Speaker: 00:17:06

hear what you're talking about and know that it's not

Speaker: 00:17:09

a. This is. This happens

Speaker: 00:17:12

to so, so many people.

Speaker: 00:17:15

So many people coming, like, just to

Speaker: 00:17:18

hear these stories coming from somebody who,

Speaker: 00:17:21

I mean, no, nobody deserves it. I'm,

Speaker: 00:17:24

I'm getting very, like, waffly now, but

Speaker: 00:17:27

I'm just struggling. It's, I'm feeling emotional

Speaker: 00:17:30

because I'm fucking angry that

Speaker: 00:17:33

this happens

Speaker: 00:17:35

full stop. And I'm feeling

Speaker: 00:17:38

angry that it happened to you.

Speaker: 00:17:40

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: There's, I think that. And I hope I'm articulating this

Speaker: 00:17:43

correctly, but there are people who enter into

Speaker: 00:17:46

kind of mutually toxic relationships

Speaker: 00:17:49

100%. And, again, I'm not saying anybody deserves

Speaker: 00:17:52

what comes from that. I think that's a terrible arrangement and nobody should have got

Speaker: 00:17:55

into. But the line is maybe a little bit more blurred about kind of who's

Speaker: 00:17:58

right and who's wrong when that happens.

Speaker: 00:18:01

And then there's people who I think in the majority of cases

Speaker: 00:18:04

go into a relationship and just love with all their, heart

Speaker: 00:18:07

and hope to God that that's enough.

Speaker: 00:18:08

>> Annabelle: Yeah, best of intentions.

Speaker: 00:18:10

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: And I think then when that comes back and it isn't

Speaker: 00:18:13

enough, it just causes such

Speaker: 00:18:16

damage, such self doubt. And it does give

Speaker: 00:18:19

you that feeling that you've just said of like,

Speaker: 00:18:21

injustice. You just think, how can I, or

Speaker: 00:18:24

how can this other person give so much?

Speaker: 00:18:27

And, this is what we get in return.

Speaker: 00:18:29

>> Wo0: So that's me, right? I, I love,

Speaker: 00:18:32

like, you know, by just by being friends, how much

Speaker: 00:18:35

I love you. Right. I have got so much love to

Speaker: 00:18:38

give and I, and I

Speaker: 00:18:41

am really thoughtful and

Speaker: 00:18:44

I always want to make another person

Speaker: 00:18:47

happy and I want to be

Speaker: 00:18:49

useful and that's, that's just in my life. But when

Speaker: 00:18:52

it comes to a partner and it's not

Speaker: 00:18:55

reciprocated, then

Speaker: 00:18:58

I, I'm like, right, I'm not good enough.

Speaker: 00:19:00

I'll try and be something else. I'll try and be what they want

Speaker: 00:19:03

me to be. Yeah. So I try harder, do

Speaker: 00:19:06

different things. Yeah, a

Speaker: 00:19:09

hundred percent. and that actually turned out to

Speaker: 00:19:12

be, such

Speaker: 00:19:15

a bad thing that the

Speaker: 00:19:18

guy I was with took the piss out of that so

Speaker: 00:19:21

much that a friend had to sit

Speaker: 00:19:24

us both down. Like, for example, I was at a friend's

Speaker: 00:19:27

house. He'd been taking

Speaker: 00:19:30

photos, came back, came into the house

Speaker: 00:19:33

where I'd been, and he went, oh, I just left my

Speaker: 00:19:36

laptop, I left my laptop in the car. Go and get it. And

Speaker: 00:19:39

I just went and got it. And everyone was just like,

Speaker: 00:19:42

what are you doing? And like it didn't even occur to

Speaker: 00:19:45

me, like, I was his

Speaker: 00:19:47

slave. I was his slave.

Speaker: 00:19:50

And, and it was okay because I was, I

Speaker: 00:19:53

They'll definitely love me if I do it. But

Speaker: 00:19:56

it's just ridiculous. Like,

Speaker: 00:19:59

the amount.

Speaker: 00:20:02

Sorry. The dogs just barked.

Speaker: 00:20:05

Like, the things. I know. It's an ADHD

Speaker: 00:20:08

thing as well. It's also a trauma response. It's

Speaker: 00:20:10

also, like,

Speaker: 00:20:13

ptsd. Like, there's a. It could be many, many

Speaker: 00:20:16

things that I'm

Speaker: 00:20:19

working on now. So, like, love of my life, I ain't

Speaker: 00:20:22

doing none of that for you.

Speaker: 00:20:25

Like, it's just. It just

Speaker: 00:20:28

blows my mind. Like, I am a strong, independent

Speaker: 00:20:31

woman. How those things

Speaker: 00:20:34

can even. Not. Like, they can knock somebody who's

Speaker: 00:20:37

so kind, beautiful, independent,

Speaker: 00:20:40

strong. Like, it's mad. It's

Speaker: 00:20:42

mad.

Speaker: 00:20:43

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: It is. And I think. But that comes from. It

Speaker: 00:20:46

doesn't start like that, Right. If we went out on a date with

Speaker: 00:20:49

someone and they were, like, waving their red flags everywhere,

Speaker: 00:20:52

we'd be like.

Speaker: 00:20:53

>> Wo0: I mean, thank you.

Speaker: 00:20:53

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: I'm out. Bye.

Speaker: 00:20:54

>> Wo0: I mean, he was. And he went, you, don't want to get with

Speaker: 00:20:57

me. I'm a bastard. And then my brain

Speaker: 00:21:00

went, don't tell me what to do.

Speaker: 00:21:03

>> Annabelle: That's. But that's it in itself, Wendy, isn't it?

Speaker: 00:21:06

Like, that's something that someone has

Speaker: 00:21:09

said to cause a

Speaker: 00:21:11

specific response in you. And that, It is

Speaker: 00:21:14

so seductive, the idea that you could be the one to

Speaker: 00:21:17

change that. Oh, but I'll be the one that he won't want to

Speaker: 00:21:20

be a bastard, too.

Speaker: 00:21:23

>> Wo0: I don't think it was even that.

Speaker: 00:21:24

>> Annabelle: Work harder.

Speaker: 00:21:26

>> Wo0: I think it was the hundred percent.

Speaker: 00:21:28

Don't tell me what to do. Like, people don't tell me what to do, and

Speaker: 00:21:31

I'll just. Like, someone tells me to do something, I'll do the opposite. M.

Speaker: 00:21:34

That's. That's what I think that was.

Speaker: 00:21:37

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: I feel like these manipulative people,

Speaker: 00:21:39

though, know that. Like, they know the right things to say.

Speaker: 00:21:42

You know, he could have been on a date with you, Wendy, and said that, because he

Speaker: 00:21:45

knew that was how to get to you and

Speaker: 00:21:48

get you to be like. And equally have been on another

Speaker: 00:21:51

date with me and said something completely

Speaker: 00:21:53

different because he would have known that was how to get me.

Speaker: 00:21:56

And I swear to God, that's what these really good manipulators.

Speaker: 00:21:59

Manipulators, are able to do. I really do.

Speaker: 00:22:02

>> Wo0: Okay. Because I've always kind of blamed myself for

Speaker: 00:22:05

not listening.

Speaker: 00:22:09

Like a knob.

Speaker: 00:22:12

Anyway,

Speaker: 00:22:14

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: It's never your fault. It's never.

Speaker: 00:22:17

>> Wo0: I mean, let's not have a

Speaker: 00:22:20

therapy session for me today.

Speaker: 00:22:24

>> Annabelle: I feel like this is one for all of us.

Speaker: 00:22:26

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Yeah.

Speaker: 00:22:28

>> Annabelle: You weren't a Knob. You weren't a knob for not listening.

Speaker: 00:22:31

Okay, We, I think we,

Speaker: 00:22:34

we all do the best that

Speaker: 00:22:37

we can do at the time with the knowledge and experience and

Speaker: 00:22:40

emotional.

Speaker: 00:22:41

>> Wo0: I was 20.

Speaker: 00:22:42

>> Annabelle: Maturity that we.

Speaker: 00:22:43

>> Wo0: No, I was 19. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Speaker: 00:22:46

yeah, yeah.

Speaker: 00:22:47

>> Annabelle: I couldn't even work a microwave when I was

Speaker: 00:22:49

19. So, yeah, you know, like,

Speaker: 00:22:53

you've not got quite as much to be, to

Speaker: 00:22:56

be going out into the world with when you're 19.

Speaker: 00:22:58

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Yeah. You can't judge your 20 year old

Speaker: 00:23:01

self by your 30 odd, 40 odd year old

Speaker: 00:23:04

standards because you weren't that same person and you didn't have

Speaker: 00:23:07

that same maturity.

Speaker: 00:23:08

>> Annabelle: God, I want that on a T shirt.

Speaker: 00:23:10

>> Wo0: I mean, I'm not the same person I was when we met, am

Speaker: 00:23:12

I?

Speaker: 00:23:17

We like to show people that we're not men, bashers,

Speaker: 00:23:20

blah, blah, blah. I love men. Please, can I have one?

Speaker: 00:23:23

No, I'm joking.

Speaker: 00:23:26

>> Annabelle: A good one?

Speaker: 00:23:27

>> Wo0: Yeah, I'd like a, nice one, please.

Speaker: 00:23:30

Have you got any positive examples of men showing their

Speaker: 00:23:33

support?

Speaker: 00:23:35

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Oh, my God, let me rack my brains.

Speaker: 00:23:42

>> Wo0: No, no, I haven't

Speaker: 00:23:45

none off the.

Speaker: 00:23:46

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Top of my head,

Speaker: 00:23:50

but I'm sure they're out there. I'm

Speaker: 00:23:53

sure they exist, just not in my world.

Speaker: 00:23:57

You know what? One thing I will say, I actually have had, I

Speaker: 00:23:59

don't have many male friends at the moment. but I have

Speaker: 00:24:02

had some fantastic male

Speaker: 00:24:05

friends previously who, you know, I

Speaker: 00:24:08

wouldn't have a bad word to say against them. I

Speaker: 00:24:11

would just, I guess, be trepidicious of saying they'd be

Speaker: 00:24:14

great partners because I know those two things are sometimes very

Speaker: 00:24:16

separate.

Speaker: 00:24:17

>> Wo0: Oh, God. It doesn't have to be a partner. It could be anybody. It

Speaker: 00:24:20

could be somebody that you've worked with. It could be just like any man.

Speaker: 00:24:23

It could be somebody you met on LinkedIn. It could be your

Speaker: 00:24:25

son.

Speaker: 00:24:26

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Oh, well, my son, obviously. Yeah. He's not a man yet, though. He's only 11,

Speaker: 00:24:29

but yeah, of course. And that, God, that's a whole other topic, isn't

Speaker: 00:24:32

it? Because there's this fight as

Speaker: 00:24:35

the mum of a, of a boy, to just make sure

Speaker: 00:24:38

that they don't fall into that toxic

Speaker: 00:24:40

masculinity trap. He is

Speaker: 00:24:43

naturally quite effeminate. which is great. I love

Speaker: 00:24:46

that about it. And he's such a sweet

Speaker: 00:24:49

boy, but. And I know

Speaker: 00:24:52

this is not nurture. There are some elements of his

Speaker: 00:24:55

nature that alarm me. The way he

Speaker: 00:24:58

can be even now at 11, and I'll be like,

Speaker: 00:25:01

okay, we need to get that out of you.

Speaker: 00:25:04

Almost like it's Instinctual. Which is crazy.

Speaker: 00:25:07

he's just naturally. Aggressive is not the

Speaker: 00:25:10

right word. But when I compare him to my

Speaker: 00:25:12

daughter, he's very hands on and,

Speaker: 00:25:15

full on very. And he, he does struggle with

Speaker: 00:25:18

that. Taking no for an answer, like, particularly. So I've drilled it into

Speaker: 00:25:21

him always. Like, if anybody says, you don't

Speaker: 00:25:24

touch me, you don't come near me, you don't. And you don't have to

Speaker: 00:25:27

understand why. And it might be that yesterday they were

Speaker: 00:25:30

okay with it, but now they're not. It's.

Speaker: 00:25:33

You just stop. And that is that. And to be fair,

Speaker: 00:25:35

he will feed that information back to me about interactions

Speaker: 00:25:38

he's had with like, girls at school or just out in the wide, wide

Speaker: 00:25:41

world. But like with his sister, for example,

Speaker: 00:25:44

he will not stop. He will keep going. He will be very

Speaker: 00:25:47

aggressive with her. he's very touchy feely and his

Speaker: 00:25:50

affection. And so am I. We're both like

Speaker: 00:25:53

that. She isn't. She's a lot more standoffish

Speaker: 00:25:56

and cold. So some days she'll be all over him and I

Speaker: 00:25:59

love you so much. Another day she's like, don't touch me. He

Speaker: 00:26:02

massively struggles with that. And we'll try and force

Speaker: 00:26:04

his love. Almost like he's got that, he thinks

Speaker: 00:26:07

he's got that right to do it. So that's a

Speaker: 00:26:10

big conversation piece.

Speaker: 00:26:11

>> Wo0: I mean it is confusing. That is confusing.

Speaker: 00:26:14

but, but 100. That needs to be learned.

Speaker: 00:26:18

but I, but I can see how it would be confusing for somebody

Speaker: 00:26:21

especially.

Speaker: 00:26:22

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Right.

Speaker: 00:26:22

>> Wo0: Yeah, of course. Of course. Yeah.

Speaker: 00:26:25

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: But I mean, what I would say he's very emotionally mature.

Speaker: 00:26:28

Incredibly emotionally mature. So I do.

Speaker: 00:26:30

>> Wo0: He's a good laugh as well.

Speaker: 00:26:32

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Yes, he's very funny. He's very, very funny.

Speaker: 00:26:35

And I think he, I do think, genuinely think he will mature out of it

Speaker: 00:26:38

with the right messaging given to him over and over

Speaker: 00:26:40

again. but on the flip side of that, you know, say

Speaker: 00:26:43

something kind of, to the detriment of

Speaker: 00:26:46

females. I suppose she can also have some very

Speaker: 00:26:49

typically toxic female traits.

Speaker: 00:26:51

>> Wo0: Yeah.

Speaker: 00:26:51

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Such as massively elaborate on things that he's

Speaker: 00:26:54

done. Supposedly. She

Speaker: 00:26:57

will. She's like,

Speaker: 00:26:59

the boy who cried wolf. Kind of like she'll, you know,

Speaker: 00:27:03

you.

Speaker: 00:27:03

>> Wo0: Need to get that out of her.

Speaker: 00:27:05

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: You just hit me. And I know my kids well

Speaker: 00:27:08

enough to know. I'm like, he hasn't. She'll say things like, he

Speaker: 00:27:10

just punched me in the face. And I'm like, no,

Speaker: 00:27:13

no, he definitely did not do that. Like, that's not who he

Speaker: 00:27:16

is so they both do it. They both did it. And it's just really

Speaker: 00:27:19

interesting to see how much of, of

Speaker: 00:27:22

that natural masculine versus feminine energy

Speaker: 00:27:25

can be in people.

Speaker: 00:27:26

>> Wo0: I think it's also another layer on that because this is

Speaker: 00:27:29

sibling rivalry. Right? So it's not just

Speaker: 00:27:32

male, female. They're brother and sister.

Speaker: 00:27:34

So like, there's always. Because I do that with my sister as

Speaker: 00:27:37

well. Punch her in the face.

Speaker: 00:27:41

I wouldn't, I wouldn't. I love you, Jen.

Speaker: 00:27:43

And like, but, but they definitely. That's,

Speaker: 00:27:46

that's, that's the sibling thing. So I mean,

Speaker: 00:27:49

you could look into that forever and ever, but I think that's

Speaker: 00:27:52

just natural and it will just grow out. But

Speaker: 00:27:55

yeah, just keep doing what you're doing. Definitely.

Speaker: 00:27:58

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Oh, we can do. Right?

Speaker: 00:27:59

>> Wo0: That's exactly all we can do. Just be a good person, be there

Speaker: 00:28:02

for them. Like, you have to give them some

Speaker: 00:28:05

trust.

Speaker: 00:28:09

Let's talk about your business a little bit.

Speaker: 00:28:11

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Okay.

Speaker: 00:28:12

>> Wo0: What are some of the obstacles that.

Speaker: 00:28:13

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: You faced in my business?

Speaker: 00:28:16

So, yeah, in fairness, the actual

Speaker: 00:28:19

running of my business has been touch wood.

Speaker: 00:28:22

Straightforward was probably the wrong word, but relatively,

Speaker: 00:28:25

relatively obstacle free for the most part.

Speaker: 00:28:28

But then maybe I'm thinking of that in a very positive light. the

Speaker: 00:28:31

actual, I guess for me the biggest obstacle at first was the

Speaker: 00:28:34

just the self belief in actually doing it. And

Speaker: 00:28:36

actually, okay, off the ground, that was

Speaker: 00:28:39

a big barrier to overcome. When do you know? Because I've spoken

Speaker: 00:28:42

to you about this a lot, that like, I don't come from any

Speaker: 00:28:45

money at all. I don't come from a

Speaker: 00:28:48

massively successful family or

Speaker: 00:28:50

anything. So there was a, there was a lot of that

Speaker: 00:28:53

work to be done in, in starting the business and actually making

Speaker: 00:28:56

it, making it a success. And even then, as it has

Speaker: 00:28:59

become successful, I have constant,

Speaker: 00:29:01

constant imposter syndrome all of the

Speaker: 00:29:04

time. Like today I went, when I went for my

Speaker: 00:29:07

treatment this morning, the lady's like, oh, you look very nice.

Speaker: 00:29:10

And I said, oh, I'm filming a podcast later. And in the back of my head

Speaker: 00:29:13

I'm going water, knob. Like, do you think you

Speaker: 00:29:16

are like, telling people that you're doing. Tell

Speaker: 00:29:18

them. So imposter syndrome's

Speaker: 00:29:21

definitely been a biggie for me. And then of course, the more actual sort

Speaker: 00:29:24

of business things, the early days is

Speaker: 00:29:27

working with the wrong clients, you know, ignoring red flags because you're just

Speaker: 00:29:30

desperate to get people on board. and then

Speaker: 00:29:33

end.

Speaker: 00:29:33

>> Wo0: Oh, is there a pattern?

Speaker: 00:29:36

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: No.

Speaker: 00:29:42

And then obviously things happen. Do you

Speaker: 00:29:45

mind me sharing the access to work story?

Speaker: 00:29:46

>> Wo0: When don't Mind me sharing about that at all.

Speaker: 00:29:49

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: So, like, things will happen where. So when Wendy came to me with the

Speaker: 00:29:52

Access to Work grant, that was a huge influx

Speaker: 00:29:55

of business into my business. I think it was

Speaker: 00:29:58

about 40 grand or something. I think.

Speaker: 00:30:00

>> Wo0: Yeah.

Speaker: 00:30:00

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Didn't it? It was huge. And then a year later, all of a

Speaker: 00:30:03

sudden, bam. It was pulled. It was less than halved,

Speaker: 00:30:05

which.

Speaker: 00:30:06

>> Wo0: More than halved.

Speaker: 00:30:08

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Yeah. Which impacted Wendy's business,

Speaker: 00:30:11

impacted my business, impacted the businesses of my

Speaker: 00:30:14

team, who were all freelance answers. That's

Speaker: 00:30:17

probably been one of the biggest blows to my

Speaker: 00:30:19

business.

Speaker: 00:30:20

>> Wo0: Sorry.

Speaker: 00:30:21

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: It's not your fault. And it was just made harder by the

Speaker: 00:30:24

fact it happened to a friend. Not just a

Speaker: 00:30:26

random. Not that I'd like.

Speaker: 00:30:28

>> Wo0: Yeah.

Speaker: 00:30:29

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Random client. But, you know, when you're close to someone as well and

Speaker: 00:30:31

know how much that has meant, that's really

Speaker: 00:30:34

hard. And I. And when I. I'm not

Speaker: 00:30:37

like the most professional boss in the world and I rang

Speaker: 00:30:40

my team and I literally sobbed. I was like, I'm so

Speaker: 00:30:43

sorry.

Speaker: 00:30:45

>> Wo0: That's because you're a good person and you're empathetic and you understand.

Speaker: 00:30:48

And it's not like we don't want.

Speaker: 00:30:51

Oh, sorry. It's just.

Speaker: 00:30:53

>> Annabelle: So can we just add a bit of context there, just for anyone who

Speaker: 00:30:56

doesn't know about the access to work what that

Speaker: 00:30:59

is?

Speaker: 00:30:59

>> Wo0: Yes, absolutely. So I've got ADHD

Speaker: 00:31:02

and the government have got a scheme called Access to Work

Speaker: 00:31:05

where you can apply. It is for people

Speaker: 00:31:08

who are disabled. have

Speaker: 00:31:11

got long, term, illness,

Speaker: 00:31:14

etc. Etc. So I

Speaker: 00:31:17

applied for access to work summer before last

Speaker: 00:31:20

and it took maybe two months for me

Speaker: 00:31:23

to get it all, go through it all.

Speaker: 00:31:26

and they. And they gave me loads of support.

Speaker: 00:31:29

They gave me a pot of money, which I don't have

Speaker: 00:31:32

access to for support worker, which is

Speaker: 00:31:34

Lois. And they give you stuff

Speaker: 00:31:37

like money for headphones. Thank you very much,

Speaker: 00:31:40

software. So Monday.com, is

Speaker: 00:31:43

what they gave me other bits and bobs, depending who you

Speaker: 00:31:46

are, what your problems are, what you're struggling with,

Speaker: 00:31:49

etc. Etc. And an ADHD coach.

Speaker: 00:31:52

Right. Siobhan Fox. I'm getting her on here. She's

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absolutely wonderful. She's also changed my life.

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So I had X amount of

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money, Lois's hourly rate paid

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with how many hours a week support?

Speaker: 00:32:07

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: It was about 90amonth, wasn't it? Or maybe more like 90

Speaker: 00:32:10

to 95amonth. It was. It was. It was a lot.

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>> Wo0: Yeah. So. So I was getting help with my

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business.

Speaker: 00:32:16

>> Wo0: Like I Could

Speaker: 00:32:19

actually live. Like, like I

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was struck. I was genuinely struggling with

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my life, wasn't I?

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And, and my business.

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And now they have.

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So they've more than halved it. And

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it's had a real effect on me.

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My business, you, your business, them, their

Speaker: 00:32:42

business. And so we're appealing it at the moment.

Speaker: 00:32:45

>> Annabelle: So you essentially got used to a certain level of support.

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Everything was going great and then boom, they cut it

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and they were just like, deal with it.

Speaker: 00:32:54

>> Wo0: Yeah, yeah, right.

Speaker: 00:32:56

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: With no warning either. Like, for me, I

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just think. And I get. So I get it, I get it. There's. There's only

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a certain amount of money that they can distribute. I mean,

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you know, we've worked together to, to work out a solution

Speaker: 00:33:07

and make it work as best we can with, with what's available

Speaker: 00:33:10

to us now. But like Wendy said, if you

Speaker: 00:33:13

weren't as close as we are, you didn't have as open

Speaker: 00:33:16

communication as we do. There's

Speaker: 00:33:19

every, every likelihood that your support

Speaker: 00:33:22

worker, as we're known, when we're helping access to work clients, would just be like,

Speaker: 00:33:24

okay, see ya. And that would be that. and your entire

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support network that you've had for a year has just

Speaker: 00:33:30

been pulled out from undo. And I just felt as though. And again,

Speaker: 00:33:33

absolutely, I'm grateful for it as well because of the impact it had on my

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business. But it just feels so when I think they did

Speaker: 00:33:39

it, they rolled it out. They didn't think so much about it. They didn't

Speaker: 00:33:42

put really any stringent guidelines in there. Ah. And

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then they put incredibly stringent ones in there, just bam,

Speaker: 00:33:47

overnight. Whereas actually might have been quite

Speaker: 00:33:50

nice and say, right, we're going to approve this for you again for

Speaker: 00:33:53

another year. However, you need to be aware that in 12

Speaker: 00:33:56

months from now, these guidelines are coming in. And that would give you

Speaker: 00:33:59

12 months to prepare to pivot things in your

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business to set yourself up so you can maybe pay out

Speaker: 00:34:05

of your own pocket for some more hours. All of those, you know, just logistics in

Speaker: 00:34:08

the background, whereas literally it pulled the rug out from

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under, definitely two businesses, but more than that, with my team as well, that

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were helping me support Wendy.

Speaker: 00:34:18

>> Wo0: What do you wish you'd known about

Speaker: 00:34:21

being a woman in business when you first started?

Speaker: 00:34:24

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Oh, that's a really good question.

Speaker: 00:34:29

I guess I wish I'd known more about how important it is to

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be authentic and not be scared to be

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yourself.

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>> Wo0: How did you learn that, Lois?

Speaker: 00:34:39

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: You might have had something to do with it.

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I mean, I'm not complaining Because I feel like my business has grown quite quickly

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anyway and I'm relatively happy with it, but I feel like it could have grown even

Speaker: 00:34:50

quicker had I known that. Because I look back now to my

Speaker: 00:34:53

first burst into LinkedIn and it makes me want to

Speaker: 00:34:56

laugh. I'm wearing a grey polo neck and my hair back

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in a bun and I'm like.

Speaker: 00:35:03

>> Wo0: We need to see this photo. That needs to be a post, girl.

Speaker: 00:35:06

That needs to be a post. Oh, my

Speaker: 00:35:09

God.

Speaker: 00:35:10

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Yeah, literally, like, so corporate. And in my head I was

Speaker: 00:35:13

like, oh, this isn't, this isn't overly corporate. This is okay.

Speaker: 00:35:16

And, yeah, it literally makes me laugh. I'm like, who even is that person? Because that's

Speaker: 00:35:19

not me.

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>> Wo0: Oh, I love it. I love it. And now

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you've worked with me as well now, haven't you? You've worked

Speaker: 00:35:27

with me, with. You had a pop up shoot with me. How

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was that?

Speaker: 00:35:30

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Wonderful. I absolutely loved it.

Speaker: 00:35:32

>> Wo0: What did you think it was going to be like?

Speaker: 00:35:34

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Do you know What? I wasn't 100% sure because I, I did

Speaker: 00:35:37

have a little dalliance with being in a girl band back in the day, so I

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wasn't a complete stranger to the camera.

Speaker: 00:35:45

Just like dropping that in there.

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>> Wo0: Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Speaker: 00:35:50

Hold up.

Speaker: 00:35:51

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Rewind.

Speaker: 00:35:55

>> Wo0: What?

Speaker: 00:35:56

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Yeah, I'm sure I've told you this before. Yeah, I used to, I

Speaker: 00:35:59

used to be in a girl band and we got really close to the precipice

Speaker: 00:36:02

of, like, some proper success. and then we were

Speaker: 00:36:05

just so young, we just kind of gave up on it.

Speaker: 00:36:08

but yeah, so I, I've had photos

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before.

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>> Wo0: Can I see those photos?

Speaker: 00:36:15

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: They're probably just at my mum's somewhere because they're just

Speaker: 00:36:18

old. Like, I'm talking a long time.

Speaker: 00:36:19

>> Wo0: I know your mum. I know your mum. I'm gonna ask your

Speaker: 00:36:22

mum.

Speaker: 00:36:25

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: So, yeah, there was, there was that.

Speaker: 00:36:28

But it had been a long time since I'd been in front of a camera. and

Speaker: 00:36:31

yeah, I just didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what to expect. And I

Speaker: 00:36:34

was more nervous than I thought when I initially turned up.

Speaker: 00:36:37

Up, despite knowing you really well anyway.

Speaker: 00:36:40

But it took you literally just a few minutes to sort of

Speaker: 00:36:43

find out where my comfort zone was and hope.

Speaker: 00:36:46

I think you, like, pushed me enough to try a couple of new

Speaker: 00:36:48

things, but without going so far, it made me uncomfortable

Speaker: 00:36:51

and you just honed in on kind of my

Speaker: 00:36:54

zone of excellence, shall we say. And

Speaker: 00:36:57

yeah, I loved it. I absolutely loved it.

Speaker: 00:37:00

>> Wo0: Thank you. right, so last question. We're

Speaker: 00:37:02

Asking everybody this. Can you tell us one piece

Speaker: 00:37:05

of clothing or an outfit or an accessory or something like

Speaker: 00:37:08

that that makes you feel your most

Speaker: 00:37:11

powerful or beautiful when you wear it?

Speaker: 00:37:14

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Yes, I can. I have a whole story to give you about

Speaker: 00:37:17

this. Okay. Because it's really recent,

Speaker: 00:37:19

so. I've been through such a massive

Speaker: 00:37:22

personal transformation in terms

Speaker: 00:37:25

of everything we said earlier, like, pivoting myself from the

Speaker: 00:37:28

life that I had to the life that I've got now. But for me,

Speaker: 00:37:30

that work had to be done internally before it

Speaker: 00:37:33

became an external thing. But I guess there's

Speaker: 00:37:36

been, like, baby steps the whole way of, like, me just. I don't know, just taking, like,

Speaker: 00:37:39

better care of myself in various ways. and then recently,

Speaker: 00:37:42

I've lost three and a half stone. Wendy, I weighed myself.

Speaker: 00:37:46

>> Wo0: Congratulations.

Speaker: 00:37:48

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: so. And that was a big thing for me. I've never been able to sort of master losing

Speaker: 00:37:51

weight before, and just I've been dressing

Speaker: 00:37:54

generally better anyway and more in the way that I wanted to dress

Speaker: 00:37:57

rather than I had to dress because I was a size 24. And you're

Speaker: 00:38:00

limited, right. There's not as much to go at.

Speaker: 00:38:04

so a few weeks ago, we went to the Christmas markets in

Speaker: 00:38:06

Manchester. And I love everybody who shows up wearing something from

Speaker: 00:38:09

Scamp and Dude. I am, like, massively fangirling. I'm like, oh, my God,

Speaker: 00:38:12

I love all their stuff. I didn't know they had a shop in

Speaker: 00:38:15

Manchester. and I went, oh, there's a Scamp and

Speaker: 00:38:17

dude there.

Speaker: 00:38:19

>> Wo0: Dangerous.

Speaker: 00:38:20

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: So I was like, I'm gonna go in just for

Speaker: 00:38:23

some inspiration for when I finished my weight loss journey.

Speaker: 00:38:26

Journey. Like, that's why I'm going in this shop. Just want to get

Speaker: 00:38:28

a feel for it. And again, it was a little bit of a push out my comfort zone

Speaker: 00:38:32

because I'm used to Primark, right? Like, you're like

Speaker: 00:38:34

cattle in there. And I went. And I was like, oh,

Speaker: 00:38:37

my God, this shop is glow. It was just me. Like, it was

Speaker: 00:38:40

me all over. I was like, this is the most glorious thing that has ever happened

Speaker: 00:38:43

in my life. And I'm, like, looking through all these wonderful

Speaker: 00:38:46

dresses, and the Mana dress, as it

Speaker: 00:38:49

turns out, came over. And not in a, you

Speaker: 00:38:52

fat cow kind of way. We put two

Speaker: 00:38:55

sizes of everything out. She said, so if it's not your size, it's out. Give

Speaker: 00:38:58

me a shout. I can go and get it from the back. So I ended up entering into

Speaker: 00:39:01

a conversation with her about the fact that I had recently lost weight. And I

Speaker: 00:39:04

wasn't actually sure what Size I needed.

Speaker: 00:39:07

I had a size 18 of this particular dress in my

Speaker: 00:39:10

hand. She said, I think that'll fit you,

Speaker: 00:39:13

but if you want me to go and grab you a size 20 just so you can try it,

Speaker: 00:39:16

like, I will. So I said, yeah, can you do that? So she took this

Speaker: 00:39:18

dress off me and she took it to the changing room. Set the changing room

Speaker: 00:39:21

up for me. I was like, oh, my God, what's this? This

Speaker: 00:39:24

is new. So I went through

Speaker: 00:39:27

feeling like the absolute dogs do dahs.

Speaker: 00:39:32

tried this dress on, and lo and behold, this

Speaker: 00:39:34

size 18 that I've not been for, like, 10 years at

Speaker: 00:39:37

least fit me. And I was like,

Speaker: 00:39:40

yeah. And I'm stood there going, here is. Yes.

Speaker: 00:39:43

And cubicle. and then I

Speaker: 00:39:46

heard my husband say outside, it's okay. She doesn't need

Speaker: 00:39:49

that. She's in the size 18. And the mum was like, oh, that's

Speaker: 00:39:52

brilliant. So she said, come out. Let me see. So

Speaker: 00:39:54

she's there being like a massive cheerleader. I got talking a

Speaker: 00:39:57

bit more depth about my weight loss journey and stuff, and I

Speaker: 00:40:00

was like, okay, I have to have this dress now. Like, that wasn't in the plan,

Speaker: 00:40:03

but I have to have it. And then I got to the checkout, and

Speaker: 00:40:06

they're wrapping it up, and they're really lovely and chatty as well. And the woman on

Speaker: 00:40:09

the other, till she finished serving, she looked over at me. She was

Speaker: 00:40:12

like, oh, my God. And I wasn't in the dress then. I was just in what I

Speaker: 00:40:15

turned up in. She was like, oh, my God, look at you. She's like, you're so

Speaker: 00:40:18

glamorous. Look how gorgeous you look. And then turned

Speaker: 00:40:21

to my daughter and was like, and you're a little fashionista like

Speaker: 00:40:24

your mummy as well, aren't you? I was like, this is the best day of

Speaker: 00:40:27

my life.

Speaker: 00:40:30

So I bought this dress, and it's. The dress,

Speaker: 00:40:33

yes, because it's a beautiful dress, but it's also the story

Speaker: 00:40:36

behind the dress and the feelings that that gave me. And I swear

Speaker: 00:40:39

to God, it can be in a million pieces by the time I'm

Speaker: 00:40:42

95. But it will still be in my wardrobe because of, like, the

Speaker: 00:40:44

story that that holds.

Speaker: 00:40:46

>> Wo0: Oh, I love it.

Speaker: 00:40:48

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: Yeah, I love it. It's just the best. And it just. It's a

Speaker: 00:40:51

beautiful dress. It's fairly simple, really. Just a. A

Speaker: 00:40:54

long black dress with puff sleeves. and

Speaker: 00:40:57

it's got. I don't know the correct word, like

Speaker: 00:40:59

glittery stripes running all the way through it in

Speaker: 00:41:02

different, beautiful, different colours. it just

Speaker: 00:41:05

Fits beautifully. I wore it over Christmas, so, yeah, it

Speaker: 00:41:08

was just a fantastic experience. And it does. It

Speaker: 00:41:11

does feel nicer on as well than, like,

Speaker: 00:41:14

cheap.

Speaker: 00:41:14

>> Wo0: Oh, babe. I went shopping with Sam.

Speaker: 00:41:17

I. Me and Sam went to Bistar. I

Speaker: 00:41:20

bought some Vivian Westwood tracksuit bottoms.

Speaker: 00:41:24

They, are the most

Speaker: 00:41:27

beautiful things I've ever had on my

Speaker: 00:41:30

legs. And I've had men on my legs.

Speaker: 00:41:34

Like, I've. I've had many

Speaker: 00:41:37

things on my legs. They are, Honestly,

Speaker: 00:41:40

I put them on and I'm walking around and

Speaker: 00:41:43

I'm like, oh, my God. Just the way it's. It. The

Speaker: 00:41:45

weight of it, the way it hangs, the.

Speaker: 00:41:48

The. Oh, the organic, beautiful

Speaker: 00:41:51

cotton that is the way it feels on

Speaker: 00:41:54

your. Oh, my. Who needs

Speaker: 00:41:56

a man? I just need Vivian West. Oh, my God.

Speaker: 00:42:02

Westwood. Back, Come back. I miss

Speaker: 00:42:04

you. Like, they are

Speaker: 00:42:06

beautiful. So I

Speaker: 00:42:09

100 get what you're saying

Speaker: 00:42:12

with, like, the way it feels on you.

Speaker: 00:42:15

That Sam Harman, she. She ain't

Speaker: 00:42:17

bullshitting.

Speaker: 00:42:19

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: She's really not.

Speaker: 00:42:20

>> Wo0: Have I mentioned her in every single recording of my

Speaker: 00:42:23

podcast?

Speaker: 00:42:24

>> Annabelle: Pretty much, yeah.

Speaker: 00:42:26

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: She's such a woman's woman, though. Like, how can you not in

Speaker: 00:42:29

a podcast?

Speaker: 00:42:30

>> Wo0: I know, I know. Big up, Sam Harman.

Speaker: 00:42:33

>> Annabelle: We'll have to put a link to her episode in the show notes for this

Speaker: 00:42:36

one.

Speaker: 00:42:37

>> Wo0: Yeah, 100%. Lois, I love you

Speaker: 00:42:40

so much. Thank you for everything you do for

Speaker: 00:42:42

me. Thank you for coming on.

Speaker: 00:42:45

Thank you for sharing your story.

Speaker: 00:42:48

And just like, I love you.

Speaker: 00:42:51

>> Lois Bates Stubbs: I love you too. And it's my pleasure. Thank you for having

Speaker: 00:42:54

me.

Speaker: 00:42:57

>> Wo0: That's it for today's episode of Don't Fucking Tell Me what to Wear

Speaker: 00:43:00

or How to Run My Business on the Woopod with me,

Speaker: 00:43:03

Wendy Gannon. This is more than just a podcast.

Speaker: 00:43:06

It's part of female 5 million. Head to the link in the

Speaker: 00:43:09

show notes to find out more about our movement to empower women.

Speaker: 00:43:12

If this episode spoke to you in any way, made you laugh,

Speaker: 00:43:15

made you cry, or maybe it inspired you, share

Speaker: 00:43:18

it with a friend who needs to hear it. Leave us a rating and a

Speaker: 00:43:21

review, and let's keep this movement growing.

Speaker: 00:43:24

And while I've got you here, my photography is the way that

Speaker: 00:43:27

I fight back against the patriarchy. I empower

Speaker: 00:43:30

female founders with the confidence to be themselves in their

Speaker: 00:43:32

business, to really enjoy their photo shoot and

Speaker: 00:43:35

actually love their photos so then they can grow

Speaker: 00:43:38

their business, increase their prices, and get paid what they

Speaker: 00:43:41

deserve. If you want to work with me, drop

Speaker: 00:43:44

me a message. All the info you need to contact me is in the show

Speaker: 00:43:47

notes. Until next time, keep doing you.

Speaker: 00:43:50

And remember, you are part of something bigger. bye.